I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
