Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
