That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
