if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
