The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
