Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
