i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
