Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
