today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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