from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
