Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
