No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
