i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
