Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
