We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize