Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
