The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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