She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
