I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize