Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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