So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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