I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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