you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
