I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
