Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
