You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
