Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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