Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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