Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize