Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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