Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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