Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
