To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
