You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
