his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
