I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
