I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
