also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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