UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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