The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize