literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
