took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Less talking, more tequila
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
