You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
