saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Enjoy the penises
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
