after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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