I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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