Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
