I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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