I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
