You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
