I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
