Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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