this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
