I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
