I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
