Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
