She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
