you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
