Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
