i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
