oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this boner is exhausting
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize