it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
