We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
