Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i came on her dog
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
