Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
