so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
