Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
