does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
