On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
