put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
