Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
