I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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