I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
